I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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