I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
