He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
