capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
