Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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