is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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