I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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