Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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