another moral hangover. fuck.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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