The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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