dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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