I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
