How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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