I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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