I heard we made out
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
