I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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