he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
