i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This house was built for laser tag.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
