Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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