I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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