My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
