Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
