I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
do nipples grow back?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
