I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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