i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
