shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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