i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
