just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
