her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
