Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
