She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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