I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize