Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
soo... how was my night?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
