Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.

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(850): View more from Florida

I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.

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(302): View more from Delaware

I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.

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(734): View more from Michigan

It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"

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(541): View more from Oregon

If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.

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(516): View more from New York

He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me

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