I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it wasn't lemon gatorade
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You are a genius and a whore.
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