Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
