porn star boner night. come get it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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