my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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