You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
