I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
