im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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