This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
