I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize