whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
