Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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