Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
