I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
