It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
