i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
