Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
