By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
