found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
