I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Shame - the story of my life.
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