My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
