I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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