Just fell off a train. Bad.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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