why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
