I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
