just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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