They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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