Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
