She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
