I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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