apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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